Title: Untouchable - Do you really love me
Warnings: Not beta-read. Oh look, it's a fiction without the fan in front. Now let's see whether anyone bothers reading, heh.
Disclaimer: Not owning anyone in the story
Or maybe I do, only the story.
Wordcount: Not even 970
Synopsis: As you will probably have read it before I will have come up with a good synopsis, I will make use of dear Mr Poe's words. Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary...
Author’s notes: There is something I have been wanting to say, so I tried to write a poem. However I failed in expressing what I feel has to be expressed. So I started to write. This what will follow, has never happened. Whether there even is an appropriate I or a You in this story, and who would be who, is left for anyone to guess, just as much as how much of it is real or not. I also sometimes write thinking of someone, so somehow this also is for ‘you’, while this is not for you. I am in there, and I am not in there. These words are not even important. Those words are, however. Now, go, and chase my words. -Untouchable-Do you really love me
The moon is bright tonight.
Apart from a few shreds of cloud crawling across the midnight blue drape, the sky is almost perfectly clear. So beautiful.
I smile, and tear my gaze away, looking over at the bed I know will be empty again by tomorrow morning. For now, I will enjoy the sight of your ivory body sprawled across the ruby sheets. A lovely sight. Mesmerizing, this soft sparkle, the glistening of your skin. I want to run my fingers over it, feel the warmth, retrieve the droplets from the trembling ends of your silvern hair. The thought makes me hum softly, makes me smile, yet the beckoning of flesh, the scent, your
scent, is futile now. I shall not come as close again as I did just about an hour ago. As I have done for months. Not anymore. Not this night.
I take a deep breath, find the pack of cigarettes in my back pocket and retrieve one of the white sticks, put it between my still warm lips while shoving the package back to where it belongs. The nightclub kindly provided us with matches -- how I love the sound matches make when being lit. That way you can almost hear the fire come to life. Start living. Which is yet another thing that makes me smile, as I take my first drag.
“Do you really love me?”, you had asked after the climax of passion, clutching my back with your strong nails while the trembling of your body gradually subsided enough to make you able to speak, our sweat-coated bodies still pressed so tightly together, it probably would have been a wrong assumption to take us for two different beings.
I had kissed away your question.
I do love you.
I turn again and stare outside, into the silent darkness of night. White fumes drape the silver disk as I sigh softly. I wonder why you asked. Have you started to doubt my loyalty? It is of possibility for sure, however reasons lack too much in plausibility to have me believe it. Were you just trying to coax an answer from my lips? A vacuous proof of my love? Most likely. Such foolish creatures you are. Has my body not shown you enough of my love, have not my eyes told you stories of realms afar, realms your graceful feet would never be able to touch, have not the tips of my fingers engraved love’s true essence on your skin while your heart blazed in passion, has not my soulless spirit embraced your quivering limbs every moment of our sacred liaisons?
I do love you.
I have always loved you.
But it isn’t enough.
I can hear your heart screaming still. The pulsation of your veins still beats against my fingers. I can hear you.
An owl crosses the garden, dives under the light cone of a streetlamp, and disappears into beckoning blackness.
Another life destroyed.
I gently tap the window sill with a finger, seeking out the melody and song of this very room, of these past hours, then turn my head until I can make out your still form on the sheets. I will destroy you, all of you, one day.
I take another deep drag of the smouldering stem, concentrating on the sensation of the fumes filling my lungs, before I let them go. One day I will destroy every one who has ever been close to me, without any of them ever understanding. They do not understand, they never have, not even in their last moments. Neither did you, although you were the one who understood me so much more than anyone ever has done before, and wordlessly so. Sometimes it made me wonder whether you really
understood. I narrow my eyes and tilt my head at a new notion -- Maybe that was why you had asked? Had you felt it coming? Something?
I remember how I told you that I will tear you apart in the end. I tell them all. Sometimes with my lips or eyes, sometimes with the beating of my heart, or in the fierce grip of a heated embrace, I tell them, and yet, they rarely listen. I know you did, you heard, but still you laughed it away. Maybe you thought you would turn out to be an exception. I knew you would not. No one ever will. One of us always will tear apart. True, I once let that be myself, and indeed I was broken, for a while. Yet in perpetuity, nothing can break me. Distress and death will nourish the destruction dispensed.That which happened, was good. Be saved, forever, and never see me again.
I smile as my eyes wander over the curves of your body. Forgive for having digressed from your ephemeral beauty.
“Do you really love me?”
I love everyone of you. My love is absolute. But my love, you cannot hold it. Every single one who tried so far, failed. It will end up destroying you. You cannot keep me. You can never keep me for more than I willingly give.
I am not for this your world.
I am not for you.
It is time. I put out the cigarette on the sill, and open the window. A last smile over my shoulder. How much my scarlet fingertips would love to touch you right now. But it shall not be.
Good-bye, my love.
I step onto the balcony the moment the room combusts, and as the flames lick at my back, I gaze up at the moon, and greet the only companion who will stay with me until I myself, too, will turn to ashes.
The night-sky is brilliant.━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─━─
I wrote this about a month ago, exactly with what I put into the author's note
, and the story following. I just had it lying around, then revised it, and decided I'll post it, despite it not being explicitly about some Fan-fiction pairing.
I guess this is a challenge to see whether there is anybody around who would read a non fan
-fiction, hah. I don't want my fictions to lie forgotten somewhere in my laptop's insides, either, so there I went.
So just in case anyone rises up to the challenge, let me know what you think. I'm likely to fall in love with your comment. ♥Ps: My random BGM to this was the song as listed below.