Log in

No account? Create an account
When everything turns to nothing, I'll still be there for you.
✠ Ragnarøk ✠ 
9th-Sep-2008 08:28 pm
Ruki despair
Just in case I'm going to stop existing tomorrow...

Just in case it all will stop existing tomorrow...

Oh well, if everything just ended, nothing would matter now.


At least now again I am aware about a futuristic situation.

I was staring outside the window...

I could see the clouds in the distance tinted orange and red from (gunfire and bombs) weapons.

I could hear the sounds in the far distance, aware that soon it would roll over this place, too.

How much time is there left?, as I cut the family's bread.

How much more?, as I filled a cracked glass with orange juice.


Staring outside into the evening that started to become night.

Staring and listening to the silence before the storm... the silence that has been going on for so long now.

If I was to stop existing tomorrow... and other places wouldn't (yet)... I guess I can say I can't regret my life. It's too early, far too early, so many things I never did... no, I couldn't die tomorrow with a smile on my face thinking It's okay to die... I did it all... No repentance. ... But if I stopped existing, I would do it with the knowledge that it was a good life, even though there are so many things I would have missed out.

I had Uruha's hand in mine.

Oh no, it wouldn't be the most outstanding thing of my life, far from it (maybe) ... but it would definitely make me feel a bit more accomplished, if that is the right word.

Down in the gutter, pulling myself up.

Beautiful souls.






So much we worry about, so much we are unsatisfied with...

Seriously... We are not at war with the worlds.

There's no fighting and killing and annihilating going on in our front-gardens.

We should be fucking glad we are alive.

We should be damn grateful for what we have.

Everything that we have.

How many of us are really living?

Are you living to your fullest?

Are you?

So if I'm going to stop existing tomorrow... I want to listen to beautiful music.

Want to create.

Want to ...

At least it was a great day, this day...

I met with family... my grandparents.

We spent a lovely day in the city... talking, being together, enjoying ourselves in the shade of huge chestnut trees... beautiful beautiful weather.

And I can say that I already had beauty touch my heart.

And that I thought of the ones I love.

And that I helped make some people feel a bit happier.

And that I sat down and studied... all things that seem to be able to fulfill a person.

There's nothing I can do now...

Nothing to keep things in a preserved state

No point with this but maybe for remembering later... (if there is a later)

that it all could have come different.

I'm aware that it could be.

I'm aware, now again, that it could all end in one second.

You'll never know.

Are you living life to its fullest?

Thank you to everyone who has the least bit of contact to me, thank you everyone who ever had a good word for me, or even a bad one, thank you everyone for everything that made me feel alive.

There's so much love inside of me, and a lot of it is for you.

And you.

And you too, who's reading this.

And you, over there.

All of you.

Just, love... without any complications.

Try to see good things about your lives... no matter how hard they are.

Try and let yourselves be loved, too...

If it's the last thing you could ever do...

What would it be...

... just live.
Roaded on Jul 19th 2018, 3:32 am GMT.