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When everything turns to nothing, I'll still be there for you.
Coming across MuSiC that changed my life. (from may 2000 on) 
14th-Mar-2009 04:52 pm
In the end this became a long post with a lot of videos embedded, a couple of memories that despite touching them, I still kept to myself for the greater part (I guess), and a lot of things most people that might happen to read this won't have a clue about.


For some reason I decided to just let the whole of the music on my itunes play. No playlists, no selected artists, just... everything

Well, needless to say, that eight out of ten plays, if not more, are Japanese anyway. Okay, I had REM, and there was Snow Patrol somewhere... but it's rare, very rare.

Of course, shuffled.

It's 3712 tracks to choose from, hm, yet I wasn't really surprised to find that it chose 「依存の庭」[Izon no Niwa] very soon, and well, it's still the only thing played by SID.

Now, the thing triggering my little post is that... suddenly...

this came up:

'So needless to say... I'm odds and ends... but I'm me~'

I'm pretty sure I'd never ever fall in love for pop music ever again, but that didn't change the fact that I was indeed squealing and flailing when that song came up, beaming from one side to the other.
I love it. I still do. I fucking love it.

So many memories.

So many good ones.

Glorious ones, in dark, dark times.

The man with the angelic crystal-voice. A half-crush of mine.

(man in the middle)

It's kinda funny to see that *ducks slightly* that's really not my type man anymore... at all... it seems. Totally my type that time though. High cheek-bones, his wolfish eyes, the shape of his eyebrows, the great hair (hmm still got that hair thing going on though xD), his slender body... the voice. Hmm, yeah the voice. Holding that high note in Summer moved on for twenty seconds, even with his 40 years.

At that time, I was totally into 80ies. Both Rock and Pop, you know, the good old pop that actually seemed to still convey some deeper meaning here and there. And a-ha with their songs... mmm, they saved my life. I'm not joking. Not at all. They really did.

After all those pop releases, Hunting High and Low, Scoundrel Days and Stay on these Roads, all in this 'typical a-ha fashion', until they totally broke out into the rock-area with East of the Sun, West of the Moon, so different, so much more 'grown up', great tunes. And then, their next release in the early nineties I think, Memorial Beach... I don't even know what to call that sort of music. It was very different. Opinions about it differed just as much as their music style over time. Also mom - who was the one to harbour all those old records of them - hadn't really liked it at first, however, after getting used to their new tones it was pretty clear that Memorial Beach with its haunted, dark atmosphere probably was one of their best album releases ever.

Though of course, that's hard to say, as a (ex)fan, because you tend to love all of it, don't you.

And there's nothing that ever could replace that most beautiful song Hunting High and Low. Such a beautiful PV as well but oh - I can't find it on youtube, nor on veoh... seems they have been purged. Ouch. Well, I can call myself lucky then, since I have their DVDs. I found their live version though.
Watching, listening, goose bumps. Everywhere. After so many years of not listening. And ... somehow it's very... ironic. I think my listening habits lessened some time during or after I went to Norway, so that must have been 2005 latest. Led Zeppelin wave taking over. And from there to Blues AND LedZeppelin, and then it was Jrock. [Hmm Morten... Wanting the audience to sing along and then going like "Aww, that sounds so sad... come on!" Dork. It's a sad song. Dork. And it's kinda weird to listen to that now, listen to him talking Norwegian and actually understanding every single thing. It's weird.] So there I might have been not listening for four years. And here I am again and hear those words and... they take on a new meaning.

...Do you know what it means... to love... you...?
... and I know I'll be hunting high and low... only... for you... watch me tearing myself to pieces...
hunting high... and low... there's no end to the lengths I'll go...

All this makes me want to watch their PV DVD, really. Or their live DVD.

See - Train of Thought
So 80ies. So much win.

Watch A-Ha - Train Of Thought in A-Ha  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

See what I mean when I say... sexy? *----* Those chest muscles........., these arms... argh. Uhm. Yeah ^ ^" And heck, his voice. The first voice I ever felt, you know. The first voice that ever made me feel as if it'd wrap around me, lift me up, do things to my heart, you know... I really should listen to them again. Not that I'd do it for long anyway, as Jrock is still... Jrock... and rather consuming. *laughs* As his was the first voice I'd feel, a-ha were the first band I ever was a fan of. And that rather very monogamously, and very intensely. And at that time, in the beginning, there was no endless surfing on the internet for clips, lives, pictures... hehe.

Yet, Morten's voice is still one of the greatest ever, in my opinion. *sigh* So many memories... most of all felt memories, not seen, not right now.


Oh my Gods. That voice.

I was there:

Keeper of the Flame

I'm even on the video once or twice, the one broadcasted in Norwegian TV. *soft laugh*

Really, I wouldn't listen to that sort of music anymore... but so much of myself is connected with them. So much love, too. And I still do love them.

The sun must never touch your skin
It could expose the dark within
You're paranoid about the paranoia

And I'm just gonna put this clip from the same live as well, just because.

Because I was so damn happy that day, that night, it was incredible. They could make me cry for joy. So often. And that live, it was free. Totally free. In a park in Oslo. It had rained the whole day, until the concert was about to begin, I was soaked, the others around me were soaked, but heck, we didn't care a bit.

a-ha fans... they're so special. *laughs*

Touch meeee...

Hahahahah... I totally rock out right now XD Incredible. And sing along the lines, not having forgotten a single one. Singing with all my heart. It might be terribly embarrassing, but no one's at home, so that's grand. XDDD Aww, 80ies... "Please don't ask me to defend ... the shameful lowlands of the way I'm drifting gloomily through time"
Aww, Magne (keyboard/guitar. The one usually fooling around) is so great. I love that man. I started to like him much more than Morten after a while during my fan days. And he's totally leaving his keyboard there for a while and goes totally air-guitaring! AHAHAHAHA! ♥ And aww... Paul (guitar) always looking so terribly shy on stage. No matter whether he's 20 or 40 years old XDDDD I love those guys.

It's such an outsider's music, and still is. Makes me proud the more XD

And by the way, it's a fact:
"In 1981 a-ha toured the Far East and were the first band to make a stadium tour of South America. They played to 131,000 people in Sao Paolo, the largest paying audience for any band anywhere in the world."

Indeed~ As far as I know, still holding that place in the Guinness Book of World Records. ^_^

Dark is the Night

I think I was somewhere in front of the one carrying that girl on his shoulders. I'm not sure though.
Currently I'm just browsing people's playlists... I remember that song, on their at that time new album Analogue:

Time and again

I remember I just listened, listened, for the first time, closing my eyes and just listening, and then, towards the end, at the 'be'... (you'd notice which I mean), I started crying.

I'll end this with one of my favourite songs

Scoundrel Days

I can feel the sweat on my lips leaking into my mouth...

I don't know... I'm just so terribly grateful. Even though I'm not into them anymore (hm, maybe just a little bit, right now? Due to memories and all *laughs*), I wouldn't be the one I am now without them. I was so unhappy at that period of time. [unhappy isn't really a word to describe that. Distress. Coma. Yes. That's more of it. Anguish. Blah. I try to remind myself sometimes of how bad it really was, but I seem to not be able to. Psychic repression much?] And that music, it made me smile. Smile, at first, and then beam, beam happily. It showed me happiness when there practically was none... And I got strong, through them. Strong to face the fucktards and be myself. Forever. Forever sticking out and never belonging, but at least, being myself.

They did shape a greater part of me.

And for that.


I'm grateful.
14th-Mar-2009 06:47 pm (UTC)
Haven't read it all as I'm supposed to be getting dinner ready...but...MORTON! ^_^ He was my first love. And then Mum tried to ruin it by pointing out that he is 20+ years older than me and probably wouldn't want to marry a 6 year old...LOL!
But I had a similar moment of going through all of my a-ha stuff when they got back together again ^^ I nearly wore my VHSes of their PVs and the S.America tour out ^^
14th-Mar-2009 06:56 pm (UTC)
*laughs* Oh, another one? XDDD
I got into them at the time they released Minor Earth. I liked Summer moved on, and my mom came along and went like "Ohhhh a-haa! =DDD I've got all their records... I believe..."
I really merely 'liked the song a lot', but I'd never have gotten into them that much if she really hadn't had them all. Every. Single. One. Of them xD That was really great =3

btw, he's written with ~e~... Morten xD~ But don't worry. Most people, especially those with English as their first language, get their names totally wrong.... one reason for why "Paul" changed his name(s) xD From Pål Waaktaar to Pal to Paul xD
14th-Mar-2009 07:03 pm (UTC)
Yeah...d'oh! I realised my mistake once I hit "post" but it wouldn't let me correct it...think I was over-excited :P (There is a village by me called Morton >.<;)

Yesss...another one ^^
I only had a couple of their cassettes and those VHSes during the 80s but then their re-grouping encouraged me to get their CDs etc. I even found the film he'd done on ebay...lol...and I could have seen them in London but I had exams.

I do get a little annoyed when people only refer to Take On Me as if that's their one and only hit. Mum loved them as well which is how I got those cassettes in the first place (even if she did ruin my dreams of marrying him...teehee!).
14th-Mar-2009 08:35 pm (UTC)
Hahaha XD Morton...Morten... More tan? xDDDD

Hehe, I had all the records - vinyl, ne :3 And bit by bit I got the CDs (as it's a bit... weary to always listen to only the records, or well, the cassettes... no change of shuffling or the such hehe.
Oh, you have no idea what I 'went through' to get my hands on Kamilla og Tyven. There was a dubbed version available, but I wanted the original of course... yet, that wasn't sold anymore... Then, when I was in Norway, I had a friend whose uncle worked with NRK1, the broadcasting station that owned that movie, more or less. However, the only information she got was that he "could try" to record it once it would be broadcasted... No luck whatsoever there though. ... (I re-rented the films from a videorental store though xD a lot)
And ... now I don't remember whether that was still the same year... but I think it was when I got back there for a month the year after or so, and tada! NRK1 had just released a couple of 'classic' Norwegian Children's movies, and what did they have? =DDDDD Both the films ... in DVD quality... *wheeee* :3333
Mah, I love them. (He plays a bigger role in the 2nd btw :3)

Hm, well, you have to get used to hearing a lot of things as a-ha fan xD And you do get used to it XP eventually~~~~ And well, Take on me was a huge hit... that video was unique. (Oh well, you could have started dreaming of being adopted and having a slightly incesty relationship...)
14th-Mar-2009 09:05 pm (UTC)
Didn't read it yet 'cause I can't concentrate on it.
Just because of the topic, 'Take on me' is one of the first songs I can remember ever listened to.

When will you come online?
14th-Mar-2009 09:52 pm (UTC)
Right now.
15th-Mar-2009 08:20 am (UTC)
OOOhhhhhh OOOhhhhh
It's hard for me to express my feelings about this entry now. Sitting here and thinking.

Yes, this time was a sad one, not only for you, for me, too. I know, I know. I remember so crystal-clear even where I was situated in the house at the very moment saying to you "erm, do you want to listen to all the "old" a-ha stuff" and telling you the story of not being an a-ha fan but running to the life just to listen to Morten's voice as I always considered this voice so unique.

Maybe this was a moment in our lives to come a bit closer to each other again. We shared something. And it was so great to go with you to the a-ha life in 2002. This brought some sort of happiness back to my life, too.

Later on, I was so fucking proud that you liked my disc collection - not only Led Zeppelin, but the special things like e.g. Nuclear Valdez, Talk Talk, Mr.Mister and so on ...

Finally, I could give you something as I had the torturing feeling that there was nothing I had given you in the past but my love - but this love never really could reach you

There was something we shared.
Something we could talk about.
Something that made us both happy.
No usual mother-daughter door-slamming conflict about "terrible" music.

This gave me the feeling that in the end you loved me, however.

I'm not sure if you can compare the situations - but in my opinion you can.
December 2007.
The circle of giving and taking closes.
You bring J-Rock to me, which will change my inner life so radically.

I am grateful, too. Yes, I am.
And I won't say any more
15th-Mar-2009 12:04 pm (UTC)
*laughs* Oh yes... their first live I ever saw... I remember us going to Pizza Hut - I've never been there before, and never went there after it. And, the "moouuuu... sougankyou o kaishiteeeeekureeeeeooooo~~~~~" ... erm okay... I wasn't really thinking japanese then at all xD "give me the binoculars baaaaack nowwwwww T___________T *grabby hands*" ... hehehehe, that was great.

Hm, let me tell you a secret... Actually, when you gave me all your a-ha things, I wasn't anything more than curious about them. It wasn't that special at first. However the reason why I got into their old stuff so much was most of all, because I saw how happy you seemed to be as I showed that interested in them, in their records, in a part of your past, too. The initiator of having me listen to that extent, before I discovered their music's feel for myself, was the thought that it would make you happy... even if it's just a bit.

Yeah, your stuff was the best. Already before a-ha, I listened to your old tapes... didn't I already do that when we still lived in Scheyern? Hm, I'm not totally sure... I just know that after we moved at some point, I listened to them a lot. And then even more so when we had moved to Moosburg, when I got the stereo. And as I started to get totally uninterested in all the modern things, your huge selection was really great to have.

Yeah, you did give me something there. And it's true that I have some sort of disrupted something about love coming from other people. There are times when it's hard for me to believe that people do. That's what makes it hard for them in times when it really seems as if their love doesn't reach. I'm sorry for that... it can be hard for both parties.

Hmm yeah, we never had this issue about the music. Hehe. Though, sometimes it felt as if I'd like to do it the other way around... "just go away with your trance, I can't bear it anymore gaaaaah"... xD But it's good, I guess all those different kinds of music and my general tolerance made me able to endure whatever music might be played, wherever. (to an extent)

And yes. You gave me music that time... I bring music to you now. Ah... Zodia's In the Dark is coming up.
15th-Mar-2009 01:02 pm (UTC)
Oh, actually I was talking about the a-ha live in Nürnberg (2002) but yes, you are right, 2 years before (2000) we were in Munich, sitting comfortably far away from the stage on the Tribüne ... yes, Pizza Hut ... yes, me starting sweating at Morten's appearance (alas, so far away). This was your first live ever, wasn't it?

The secret you told me filled my eyes with this wet drops now. Thank you, honey, thank you so much for this, world's greatest daughter you are!

I know, I annoyed you with that Trance stuff. Shouldn't it have been the other way round? Usually daughters annoy the mothers with their weird music, he? This was just a "trip" I guess. Looking for THE music that can fill my heart, that can give to me what I was looking for. At a certain point in my life, Trance couldn't do that any longer.

Luckily, you came along with J-Rock ...
15th-Mar-2009 01:31 pm (UTC)
Hehe, yeah, my first rock/pop concert ever. And the first and one and only where I'd ever sit... The second though... so much closer... ah, the feeling is so different, standing and sitting somewhere in the far back.


Hehe, yah well, we never really do things the way they're "supposed to be"

^__^ Yes or well... that's quite a long story, too, how I got into it. And I feel so accomplished about me having discovered it on my own... there was nobody telling me "hey, listen to this, it's Jrock, it's great" or anything... It was all "coincidental" hehehe...
17th-Mar-2009 03:22 pm (UTC)
"There are no coincidences.
It's all your destination."

Quote: Morpheus ...
17th-Mar-2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
Of course ^,~
Roaded on Jul 19th 2018, 9:31 pm GMT.