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When everything turns to nothing, I'll still be there for you.
Kiss me [One Shot] 
9th-Dec-2007 10:48 pm
uru drama
Title: Kiss me
Author: outori
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Ruki x Uruha
Genre: yaoi, drama, wishful thinking
Warnings: angst, despair
Disclaimer: Not owning anyone in the story, and I hope, no one ever will be.
Synopsis: Uruha’s infatuation with Ruki and his lips and his inability to forget that kiss they shared is driving him slowly but steadily towards an edge.
Author’s notes: Nothing special I’m afraid, but I had it lying around for all too long and thought I should kick myself and post it ^^; Not beta-read. Even though I myself think I can and should do better than that, please comment, ne. <33

Kiss me.

Those voluptuous, dithering lips of yours, those temptations… kiss me.

I want to press my lips against yours, hotly, honey on fire, that blazing, searing fire of your lush lips. I want to feel them on mine. Be, lambently between your lips.

Every time you speak, my inside aches to shut your mouth with my own, drown those vibrating sounds, longing for them to fill that deprived well with them, water from your fire, quench my thirst, p l e a s e.

I can’t bear looking at you. Can’t bear watching them move when you talk, can’t bear the sounds coming from them when you laugh, to see and hear you is a shredding agony to my soul. Blades, slicing my heart. Your ivory teeth are gnawing at it. Your fangs are piercing it, violently, savagely, ruthlessly. Sucking my blood, my life force, slowly, savouringly, with every look you give, every sound, every goddamn flaming smile.

Put those lips on mine and sate my thirst, still my hunger. I lust for you. I lust for those lips. I don’t care so much about the rest of your body, your marble skin, those small, warm hands of yours, your straight temples, I don’t care so much about them, it’s those two petals that draw me in. Give me them. Kiss me. Run your warm, gentle hands down my nape and back, my shoulders, make me shudder at them, make me yours. Make me yours, completely. I’d give you my body. My heart. My soul. I’d give you everything, do as you please with me, command me. I will accept everything from those two emperors, everything. Just give me something to feed on. Anything.

I can’t bear having you look at me like that. As if I wasn’t anything. As if I wasn’t anyone special for you, as if I was just a friend. Lay down that micro, fuck rehearsing, fuck people, stop looking like that, get over here, now, push my guitar away and press close to me, your chest against mine, your hands in my back and around my waist, your warm breath insulting the signs of hope in my face. Press close, just like you did before. Just like you’ve done so many times. Carelessly.

Bring those plush daggers closer to my lips, having mine quiver in anticipation, just to turn away the very last moment to brush my cheek with them only… you left me dumbstruck then, unable to move, slowly realizing what had just happened, or what had not happened, as if I’d evaded that train I was going to get hit by, as if it swerved the last moment, barely sparing my life.

I wasn’t able to sleep for days and nights after that… incident. And you joked about me looking tired.

No… trains don’t swerve. Just get back over here again, do it again, can you feel my eyes boring into yours, stabbing your back with tiny daggers whenever you turn to face one of the others, feel those searing little blades, FEEL them.

Oh Gods. Just… please. Kiss me. I won’t ask of anything more. Just kiss me. Without it… I’ll wither. I’ll wither away on the inside. Can’t you see? I already am withering. My hands shake like autumn leaves, ready to fall, to be taken away with the November wind. Taken away by your touch.

Gods… Did you hear? I just whimpered. I hope no one heard me. No… they’re all to concentrated on their parts, and I, I can’t concentrate at all on anything but your face. I want to push that microstand to the ground in frustration every time you turn your back on me.




No, don’t… don’t look at me. Your blue ice-orbs freeze my soul. While those lips burn me to ashes.

I_just_don’t_know. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t act as if nothing ever happened. I can’t act as if we’d never… kissed.

Yes, I was drunk, but not enough to lose my senses just because of the alcohol, not enough to not remember, and you weren’t drunk at all, you can’t blame it on alcohol that you suddenly leaned over that dark table, while the others were busy deciding whose round it was. That your hand touched my knee under the table. I jerked up, then. Fire through my veins. Already back then… I liked you. My head, jerking up, only to notice that look, directed at me, so directly, permeating. I have difficulties in putting that look’s trait in appropriate words. It was... Dark.











All that… and more.

It had me trembling. You felt me tremble under your hand, and the corner of your lip lifted up, almost mockingly, fingers digging into my knee as you leaned over, and pressed those lips on mine, kissing me softly, you, closing your eyes, I saw that, I saw the way your face turned into a beatific mask, I saw because I could do nothing but stare. I was too startled to do anything, but watch those eyes flutter shut and feel your tender lips, so softly on mine, kissing me, so lovingly, while no one looked, no one saw.

I felt your lips vibrate on mine, vibrating from a moan no one ever heard. Such soft, wet lips, caressing and grazing mine. I’m sure the kiss didn’t last longer than an instant but it felt like eternity, that instant. Ephemeral eternity. Too… short.

Your tongue flicked over my lower lip before you leaned back to sit down again, just in time before Reita turned back to face you, saying something, I don’t remember… I didn’t hear it. I just stared. I don’t think I even breathed. A rushing noise in my ears. Even if Aoi had shouted into my ear back then… I wouldn’t have heard, I guess.

I can still feel those lips on mine. I’ve been thinking about it, too much. You dirtied me. You completed me. I … need you…

And now… you’re killing me. Slowly.

Again, I find myself staring at you. Can’t understand how I’m still able to play my guitar. Though I know my performance is not exactly good today. Aoi already shot me some worried glances. Oh fuck, please don’t give me your sincere, worried looks, don’t make me explain.

I wouldn’t explain it. Couldn’t. I’d have to lie. I don’t want to lie to one of my best friends.

I didn’t want to fall in love with one of my best friends, either. Yet, I did. I’ve been asking myself too much.

Just do it again, please… Your eyes… I’ve seen your eyes. I’ve seen your heart. Your truth. That moment. Please don’t… just don’t act as if nothing ever happened. It shreds my heart. You ought to know that. You’re goddamn not stupid.

There, again. I turn around and feel your eyes on my back. Why are you always averting your eyes when I look at you for too long, and then stare at me in return when I happen to not be looking. Oh and I know you stare at me, I’ve seen it a couple of times, in those mirrors that are distributed over the studio. Not that I wouldn’t just feel it anyway.

And I can’t even talk to you about it. Whenever I try, when it becomes obvious to you what I’m hinting at, what I want to know, what I want to talk to you about, you give me some shit of having forgotten this or that important item, meeting, friend, whatever, or you jump up and play-box with that bassist. Fuck you, Ruki. I just can’t handle this anymore.

Let me feel you. Those soft, warm hands tangled with the hair in the back of my neck, tugging at it softly, your body pressing close… my hot flushed skin against yours… kiss my lips. I could want so much more but I’d be okay with just your lips. So soft and warm, just like your hands. Soft, yet strong, and so smooth it makes my head spin only to think of them. Your intoxicating taste is poison to my existence. I’ll wither without. I’ll perish within.

I can’t handle this anymore.

… I never could, but it’s definitely getting too much. I need you. And if I can’t have you… that pain… inside me… it is consuming me. It hurts too much. Booze isn’t doing it for me anymore. I’m desperate. Ignore me more, and I’ll have to… … physical pain. I need physical pain to overcome the agony that shreds my soul to pieces. You don’t know… but at home… just a few days ago after another agonizing day with you acting as a friend, but so goddamn careless, even laughing about my state, that night, you don’t know, at home, at night, I stripped down. Got everything ready, while the tears burnt my face, tears for which there is no console, silent tears and cries and hiccups, getting everything ready. I’m hopelessly romantic, see, I even distributed candles of all sorts and sizes on the bathtub’s rim. Yeah, fuck. Too fucking romantic. Getting in, you know, sinking down into the hot water, heat enveloping me, consuming me, blade in my hands. Suddenly, I wanted to do it quickly, just put the blade to my wrist, where that vein shows so bluely, pressed down, about to do the … slicing, when suddenly … my phone rang. It had been so quiet in my apartment that I could hear the sound through the walls. From the kitchen all the way to the bathroom. And it was your fucking ringing tone.

I couldn’t end it, then. My hands, they trembled too much, thinking of what you were or weren’t intending to tell me. Trembling. I just couldn’t do it.

And later, a few minutes, or maybe hours later, when I called you back, you never lifted up. And when I asked you in person what you had wanted, pathetic hope in my lonely eyes, you backed away, flustered, mumbling something about it having been an accidental call. Wrong number.

The manager came to talk to you, then, and you escaped.

Wrong number…

Fuck your ‘wrong number’. I won’t let you have a ‘wrong number’. I won’t let you slip away. Not again. If you come pushing close again, just once, be it for fun or the fans, I don’t care, I WON’T let you GO.

Because if I wouldn’t take my chance the next time I know I won’t be able to endure any more of this. Excuse me for being emotional, but that is the only way that is left.

Kiss me, or something for sure will end my life.

Thank you for reading. Pleashu komento since you already made it as far as down here XD …

I hope I’ll be able to post that rather lengthy AoixKaixUru smutsmut I’ve been wanting to post for so long soon ...Duh wish I had more time to finally type that bitch (≥___≤) … Erhem にひひ

Fanfiction Archive
10th-Dec-2007 01:44 am (UTC)
mmm interesting... yeah I decided to bypass the broken link and just visit ^^ much love for anything RukixUru hehe

I like your internalization of Uruha's problems. Sentences are occasionally a little confusing but still understandable! Overall nice job.
10th-Dec-2007 06:43 am (UTC)
There's not much Uruki around, is there. Is there any Uruki comm by the way? I never came across any.

Thanks for reading ^^ College is gnawing on my fanficveins. *scowls*... lol. My mind seems to be all over the place. Ne, but thank you <33
10th-Dec-2007 04:00 pm (UTC)
yep there is a comm! But it doesnt' get much more play than Jrockyaoi in the Uruxru department... but there might be a few things extra on there ruki_x_uruha

and god do I know about school!! I have exams this week! and I need to write a paper that's do at 5pm today! *screams* good luck!!
10th-Dec-2007 01:41 pm (UTC)
Aaw, sad! ;__;
I don't even like the pairing, but the writing is just beautiful!
10th-Dec-2007 02:48 pm (UTC)
Woo, thank you (///∇//)
Not liking the pairing and still liking that one is quite an honour <33

Arigatou ne~
10th-Dec-2007 03:26 pm (UTC)
aww...that was really sad!!
poor Uru *sniffles*
*gives gaze-cookies*
10th-Dec-2007 03:32 pm (UTC)
;__; Yaahh...

*takes a few and distributes them amongst readers and Gazette*

Hmmm... Kai just said he really liked them xD He wants you to bake for him

... (^^;)
11th-Dec-2007 12:54 pm (UTC)
xDDD as long as I get Aoi in return I'll bake him a house full of cookies!!!!!-maniac laugh-
11th-Dec-2007 01:16 am (UTC)
Aaaawwww, I'm through. ^^
(fuck it, just tired, listening to FeaDior, thinking on very distracting things, I shouldn't and trying to write a comment)
Well, so much emotion, perfect to me tonight, you know, don't you, babe? But I made it without crying. *is proud of herself*
You wrote it in such a perfect way, to feel with it, feel this desire of being kisseed. It starts in this simple diffident way raising to this end, this is what I really like very much.
He shall go on forcing this.
But I ask myself, will he really do it? I mean, it will depend on Rukis reaction, won't it?
It will be positive, I'm sure about it. I mean, all those looks by him and why did he do?
Argh so many unanswered questions left for me. -____-
Anyway, it was great, thank you for this. *loves ya*
11th-Dec-2007 01:22 am (UTC)
*smooches you for your comment as she's just about to go to bed*
Yahh I should have gone to bed earlier XD

I actually worried in case you'd read it tonight, ne. But you took it well. ^^; *is proud of you too*

コメントとLobどうもありがとう〜*愛* (///.///) I'm very glad you liked it so much. *flails*

~ I'm asking myself ne~
11th-Dec-2007 01:37 am (UTC)
As always, ne?

I think I wouldn't have done, if I had expected it to be this. But well, at least it was okay. Right now I'm looking for different things to distract me, as well as from my tiredness. You know, it doesn't matter I'm tired, if I'm in a state like tonight I won't go and sleep before it is really late (or early, depending on how you wanna call it), excepting I have to get up early on the following day.

And this was one of my short コメント, usually it may happen I write really much. But I'm not sure about this in english, up to now I read mainly german ff, so let's see how it'll turn out.
Why shouldn't I? It's much of emotion, much of you can go with, if you read it, find yourself in some way. I actually like things like this.
12th-Dec-2007 03:59 am (UTC)

why you do this to me.
12th-Dec-2007 10:29 am (UTC)
Oh holy my Uruthighs... that was a rather strong emotion o.o

Haha ^^ *rubs your back* Ne... just what did I do to you?
[I wouldn't know why anyway ne... ]


Sorries? ^^;

(Deleted comment)
27th-Jan-2008 01:53 am (UTC)
Awww thank you! I feel very much hmmm flattered and cajoled *___*

Thank you so much for your comment. I wondered if people actually read them xD Where did you find it? On the Urukific commu? [I guess so, since it's the one that isn't updated as often]

Keep your eyes open, I'm just writing another Uruki fic ^^ I'll post it there, too. But don't know who long it will take... college and all, ne. [And it seems to be a rather long smutty one >__> ... XD]

Thank you again. Very very much.
(Deleted comment)
Roaded on Dec 13th 2018, 8:24 am GMT.